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This post remained as the all-time most popular blogpost on Indivine for the record time. Click here to see the Indivine page.
It was their first marriage anniversary and in the year gone by, they already had witnessed all the strengthenings and the weakenings of a lifelong nuptial bond. Life had not been all that rosy as they had imagined in those carefree days of their college life. Love was the only thing that mattered then. Once married, they realised that there are even other ingredients to make things work. Love can lubricate the friction to some extent but cannot be the substitute to every necessity of a married life.
Till yesterday, what he found cute about her now seemed irritating to him. Was that a reality or just her figment of imagination was difficult to tell. Self doubts started creeping in as both of them had a stark realisation - their immature decision to get married before giving shape to their professional life was now disfiguring their individual as well as married life. Their parents had warned them of such possible consequences but listening to them was the last thing on their priority list, once they had decided to step into their new world.
Other than the first month, the remaining eleven months had been tough in this world of theirs. Most of her time was spent waiting for him after returning from a neighbourhood school, which was the only source of their steady income. He had no such steady source. Since their marriage, he had changed four jobs. He was made for something big, he exclaimed. Had this marriage closed all doors for him was again a thought which lingered into his mind when there was nothing else to occupy it.
He had his reasons to be agitated. He had promised her the best life possible. Seeing himself helpless in fulfilling it, he could only curse. Earlier, he used to curse himself. She gave him an embrace and the warmth of their physical closeness used to soothe their mental agony. However, when he was done cursing himself, he moved to their marriage and this was the time when he ended up agitating her too.
Life was not easy for her after all. She was not used to all this, coming from a rich established family. She could not even complain. It was her own decision after all. She tried her best to keep her apprehensions from him. However, even she ended up cursing this situation at times.
This was not what they had imagined; a year full of curses. They wanted to pluck the roses together but ended up plucking the thorns. It’s not that they never tried, but somehow they were becoming distant. Some kind of inhibition had crept in. They wanted that to end but kept expecting the other to take an initiative. There used to be a time when they fought, they never waited for the other to reconcile but now such waits became too often and prolonged.
‘It’s enough of it,’ he said to himself and picked up his cell phone to call back home.
“Hi! Happy Marriage Anniversary!”
“So, you got the time to wish me?”
“I was really busy at work yesterday. Just dozed off on returning to my Hotel room. I saw your missed call in the morning but had to rush back to work.”
“It’s ok. Same to you. And how is your work going. Still a couple of days left to return right?”
“No. I’ll wrap up all the work soon to leave back for the city as soon as possible. We’ll spend the whole evening together.”
“Now that is your yet another promise. I don’t remember when you kept a promise last time.”
“No, I mean it this time. It is 1 o’ clock right now. I have the presentation in 15 minutes. I’ll take the bus around 3 and will be back home by 6 in the evening. Believe me.”
“Ok, let’s see. Take care of yourself. No need to rush. I hope you impress the clients. All the best for your presentation.”
“Thanks dear. See you soon.”
‘Dear?’ she said to herself and gave a smile. He had called her like that after such a long time, after ages it seemed.
It was 6 in the evening. She had baked the cake and his favourite cookies. However, she was expecting that call from him. She was prepared for it; yet another excuse for not making it on time or maybe staying over for another day. She thought, whatever happens, she won’t sound annoyed.
‘Why should I let him know about my weakness? If he doesn’t care, even I’ll act carefree,’ she told herself.
Suddenly, the bell rang. But it was not the phone; it was the door. Her heart started beating faster as she approached the door. She wanted him to be there. She could not take those unkept promises anymore. She wanted those promises to be fulfilled; she wanted him.
As she opened the door with the anxiety of a newly wedded bride, she saw him, standing there with some confused expressions on his face and the bouquet of her favourite flowers in his hands. Both stood there for a moment not knowing how to greet one another. Finally, she stepped forward, opened her arms and hugged him, getting that eternal warmth, she had waited for so long.
They looked at each other with moist eyes and then hugged again tightly, hoping to remain in this trance forever. With not a single word spoken, they both had conveyed to each other that it is the time to forget the past and make a new beginning.
The next two hours flew by quickly. They didn’t speak much, fearing that the words could break this dream. It was around 8 that the phone rang in the other room.
He was not ready to leave her hand as she pushed him gently giving her mesmerising smile.
He was not ready to leave her hand as she pushed him gently giving her mesmerising smile.
“It must be mom; I’ll just be back baby.”
As she left the room, he gave her a smile and waved his hands gently.
“Hello, who’s there?”
“Mam, I am calling from the police station.”
“Police station? Why what happened?”
“See mam, we found your landline number as the last dialled one in the cell phone of an accident victim.”
“Oh, my God? Which cell number?”
“Mam, it’s 9876432211.”
“What nonsense! It is my husband’s number and he is with me right now.”
“Oh, are you sure?”
“What do you mean, sure!”
“Mam, you were called around 1 o’ clock. Later on, this person got crushed under a bus destined for your city, while trying to board it in a hurry around 3.”
“What? Just wait, I’ll get my husband on the phone.”
She hurriedly ran to his room. But he was not there. She called out but didn’t get a reply. She was confused. Her heart was beating fast.
‘He was just here. Everything seemed fine. We were making a new start. We had the two hours of our life.’
All kinds of thoughts started flooding her mind. She had no courage to return to the phone.
‘What will I say?’
‘What will I do?’
‘What is happening?’
She had no idea. She kept sitting there like that, the different stories flashing through her mind. She had heard those stories, seen those movies where the soul of the dead returned to complete the unfinished business.
It had happened to her. She had to understand that. All those myths were nothing but reality. With tears rolling down her eyes, she gave a faint smile, ‘He indeed, kept his promise at last.’
Suddenly, she heard the sound of toilet flush in the adjoining bathroom and the door opened.
“Hey, I forgot to tell you dear, my cell got stolen at the bus stand,” he said, removing the ear plugs of her cell phone from his ears.
AUTHOR’S REFLECTION: Life might give you the second chance or it might not. But you definitely can give yourself that second chance. When it comes to relationships, don’t make hurried decisions and if you make them, make those decisions work. Dial that last number before it’s too late. And yeah, do not expect that paranormal crap on my blog!
P.S. This was my first attempt at pure fiction and hence, inadvertently has many flaws. Still, thanks to the love and support of readers, it was promoted as the most popular post on Indivine before dropping down to the second position. You may click here to promote it further and bring it back to the top if you liked it too.
Click here to view all my other attempts at fiction writing which have been applauded at other blogging communities like Blogadda and Blog-a-Ton too. If I have to suggest my favourites and the popular ones amongst these short stories, they would be Jihad, Wish and of course my three-part semi-autobiographical novelette Everyone Has A Cupid Tale To Tell.
203 comments:1 – 200 of 203 Newer› Newest»
You have already answered my comment. for a moment I was worrying that Vipul too started writing these kind of paranormal stories. But you lived up to my expectation. Great one. This is the best I read in your blog untill now. Keep going pal.
Lol..It was very nice..... Great one vipul...Really loved it..... actually I like paranormal science a lot... But it would have been really bad if its a ghost which came to meet her....
I loved the last part..when his cell phone got stolen... good work vipul...
its nice man.. thank god u also dint use that super natural shit..free
Bow to you, Sir!!
What a story! :)
Yeah, no paranormal but almost one! :)
I love paranormal things but the ending of this story is wonderful.
haha I liked the end. :D
Seriously Viplu Style!
wow,lovely ending :)
@Everyone.. I am relieved :)
This was my first attempt at purely fictional stuff and I was quite apprehensive. But your replies have really boosted my morale. Thanks a lot :)
Some one has already said... typical Vipul style.
Vipul,excellent post..well written.Keep it up.
What the .. man! All through the story, I was taken on a ride-an emotional ride, very similar to that joy rides in a circus. And the finishing?-No words for that-it was the best ever! And I loved it more because, if you had NOT written that last paragraph my evening would have been spoiled. That speaks volumes of this article.
@Chowlaji.. Thnx so mch.. Its good to hear tht I have a recognisable signature style :)
@Aditya.. As already said above, I was very apprehensive about this post.
Actually, I had only visualised that end and made up the whole story later on.
Thanx for appreciating it with sch kind wrds :)
man oh man... u r bad...man...I feel like cursing u like hell...damm...awesome post dude...
u roused the feelings perfectly...:D
I am a sucker for such posts ....
Awesome story .... kind of a roller coaster :)
i have read such a nice story after a very long time,
at the end i was wishing, that he might be alive somehow, and it may not be like a spirit or something, and you proved me true
@Sid.. Roused the feelings???
Well I never elaborated wat happened in those 2 hours.. u hav a good imagination 2 get (a)roused.. lol
Thanx man for sch a nice review.. um happy tht i cud hook ur heart and brain with this post :)
@Naveen.. Now, i'll have 2 churn more sch roller coasters 2 keep u hooked it seem. Tall task ahead :)
@Chetan.. What a lovely comment buddy. It means a lot. Um happy tht i proved u right :)
That was truly awesome and inspiring!! For a second I thought it was a ghost story.. the ending was too good!!!
Oops.. For a moment, I thought its going to be the yet another cliche'd email forward!! Anyways, this one ran a heavy truck through my heart, up-down, left-right and crushed it :-)
The first thought is to call my beloved from gym and tell him I didnt love him enough :-)
Superb!! Blogrolling you...
oh gosh... you shocked the hell out of me :) Some tale and great writing :)
@Ashwini and Sojo.. thnx guys 4 d appreciation. Um elated :)
@Nasrajan.. Um happy this post hd sch an impact :)
And yeah, thnx 4 clarifying ur gender on blog-a-ton.. othrwise i was like 'WHAT?' on reading this comment - ..tell him I didnt love him enough... lol
Thnx 4 blogrolling.. will now hav 2 maintain sum standards :)
Wow! What an end! I was just thinking.. Oh they could have got a second chance but.. :(
And then came the end of the story. That was great. I loved it :)
Hi Ekam.. welcome 2 my blog :)
U frm chd right? Gud 2 hav sum1 frm the city..
Evn um happy, I was able 2 give thm their second chance :)
Keep returning nd reflecting!
Splendid, fabulous, spectacular, awesome, ....
Climax at its best. Unexpected.
You can be a great screenplay writer.
Your topic conveyed even the unsaid words too...
And it inspired me to think about creating a new story.
I liked these sentences a bunch.
They wanted to pluck the roses together but ended up plucking the thorns....
She could not take those unkept promises anymore.
keep creating :) :) :)
Vipul, LOL.. I too had a good laugh when I read your comment in blog-a-ton. :-D Didn't know I made some "controversial" (but legal, ofcourse ;-)) statements here before going to sleep yesterday. Thank God, I felt like clarifying my gender there... :-)
Parents can be real problematic when they hunt for fancy names :-) Still, I love them because they named me "nazr-a-jaan", the nazr of their life... :-) My mom was an Urdu teacher 25 years back :-)
Yeah I'm from Mohali:)
@Mahesh.. Hey, welcum 2 the blog.
Now those r sum really heavy adjectives u'v used 4 this story. um delighted.. thnx so mch :)
About tht first line, the rose and thorn one, i was actually planning 2 drop it.. it sounded too filmy. Gud i wnt against those instincts :)
Keep returning nd yeah do let me know wn u write tht story!
@Nasrajan.. Now tht explains this name nd more importantly the beautiful pronunciation.
Well, thankgod my dad didn't take mathematics tht seriously being a teacher or i cud hav been alpha/beta/gamma instead of vipul :)
@Ekam.. In that case, gud 2 hav sum1 frm the tri-city :)
TAKE A BOW SIR....
this one moved me than anything else...
particularly the end...
A very good read... with a twist in the tale... actually two...
You have become quite a story teller yourself!
that was an ossum story.. maybe u can try more.. i liked it.. expected the ending..
if u have time take a look at this..
its a song.. but its video is a lil bit different to ur story..
Damn interesting tale!!:)
And congratulations for the Blogadda's Spicy Saturday Pick!!
Ha Ha ! The end made my day ! Kind of like "Picture baki hai meri dost" :D
... Congratulations for the Blogadda's Spicy Saturday Pick... !!!
Celebrations... !! :)
hey..congrats for the blog adda.... great going vipul..
Interesting story! Good that you had that twist at the end :)
@Rahul.. Thnx buddy. Um so happy, u liked this attempt. I needed a review of a blogger whose way of story writing, I like so mch :)
@Roshmi.. Hey, I hop I keep churning sch interesting stories for u all. this was d frst attempt.. lets c how i fair in future.. keep supporting.. nd yeah thnx 4 d wishes. celebration time :)
@Vishnu.. Hey thnx buddy.. watchd tht song nd well u r right, its concept is xactly opposite 2 this story :)
@Shilpa, Shakar.. Party is on :D
@LR.. haha.. right.. pictur abhi baki hai mere dost :)
thnx man for appreciating it!
@Amreekandesi.. hey good 2 c u back.. thnx 4 d kind wrds.. keep retrning 4 more sch stff :)
hey Vipul, thank you for your comments on O and the nobel Prize...I read urs on IP's blog, and will read this post soon as well...thank u for appreciating.:)))
god, u know while reading I thought he wuld be dead, but the climax stumped me...awesome is not the word...damn good...
Hey, Neha.. thnx 4 dropping by. Tht was indeed a refreshing take on the Obama issue.. deserved all those lols :)
Nd thnx 4 all those compliments 4 this post. um delighted :)
Nice little story here! Keep them coming!
you had me in for a minute, there!
wonderful read :)
and yes, life doesn't really give a second chance. :)
@GM.. Thnx gopinathji.. nice 2 c u again. keep rtrning :)
@Nimisha.. nice 2 c u again too:)
its gud 2 know, i've been successful in taking evryone on a ride with this one. thnx 4 appreciating:)
It is a nice story. Ending is excellent. Here are some points,
1. Initial few paragraphs read like an essay, probably a few dialogues will make it an interesting read.
2. First set of dialogues between husband and wife can be still improved.
3. Ending need not be very descriptive
4. The story is told in third person omniscient point-of-view. A third person limited point-of-view will make this story more interesting. Like everything seen from wife’s point of view.
5. Full marks for ending.
This is much better than your 55 fictions. All the best.
Congrats for the blogadda pick !!! :)
Hmm interesting ! ill reply in pointers:
1. The fiction is great and it's moving..and not stale !
2. The style of writing is clear and crisp.
3.I liked the way you have told us about your ACD syndrome :) LOL
4.Suggestion- The other person who actually 'died in the accident'-you could have used a better word or line like this rather than saying "crushed"..it's terrible :(
5. And last but not the least:Congratulations on the Saturday pick !
Hey, thnx Ashwini :)
@Ravi.. Thrs always the scope for improvement.. thnx 4 visiting nd reviewing this post :)
@Nupur.. So, finally some1 gave heed 2 my recent call for compassion aka comments :)
Thnx 4 showering sch a nice review nd the wishes..
About the 'crushed' person.. did u say 'terrible'?? Thts the exact feeling, I wanted 2 generate.. remember, its not a narrator's line bt a policeman's dialogue :)
Excellent! That was one good ride. Great work Vipul. I loved it. So much stuff to relate to... so much stuff to think about... and thank god, you gave it a happy ending.
Hey Vipul, this is indeed an interesting work of fiction. The story line most common in many movies. But I loved your way of presenting it. Esp. the last para - where the husband appears back into the scene by flushing the toilet. Thats hilarious part.
However, the wife seemingly getting confused about her husband's existence seems hard to digest! But that's fiction right! Good read!
Hi Kshitij.. thnx 4 dropping by :)
It feels nice 2 read sch a gr8 review. Thnx a lot.
Keep visiting :)
Hey Neeraj.. nice 2 c u again:)
Yup, its the same old filmy drama.. bt i kinda like this genre..
tht last para is the actual starting point of this story for me. I jus created whole of it 2 put that final para in the end :)
wife seemingly getting confused about her husband's existence seems hard to digest...
Thts not fiction man, thts jus anothr dumb woman.. lol
My dear female readers, tht was jus a joke, don't take any offence ;)
First time here after hopping thru your blog-a-tonic series :)
First things first, congratulations for the spicy pick thingy! :)
I was expecting it to be a very cliched story initially.... But then the title.... thats what kept me hooked till the end.. way to go! it pays to have a good title to go along with a nice story.. :) full marks for the ending., had a fantastic read.. blogrolling u!
Hi Anu.. gr8 2 have u here..
welcome 2 my blog nd thnx 4 d wishes.
Feels nice 2 hav sch wndrful reviews for my very frst attempt at pure fiction.
About the title, yup, I always give special care 2 it. It pays, u make me realise at last :)
Thnx 4 d encouragement.. nd keep visiting!
nd yeah hope 2 c u @ blog-a-ton as well!
Firstly, sorry for such a late comment. You know what made me late, but this one is one whacko! post ought to be remembered.
I expected a twist, but never a twist in a twist, which is very entertaining!
Loved it mate!
Looking for more of this kind from you!
Well You get me bowled completely ... that was absolutely great...very deserving for Spicy Saturday picks ...
Hey, Pawan, I hope u bit better now.. was eagerly waiting for ur review bcoz u r one honest(read blunt) reviewer as well as highly talented writer..
Um really happy u liked my post nd especially the double twists.. Will surely try my best to generate more sch ideas and posts :)
Thnx Dhiman.. was waiting for ur comment too. keep supporting :)
There were two very compelling reasons to comment or rather reflect here. First Your one hell of an awesome double twist story (Quite twisted, aren't you .Just kidding) Secondly, I had visited your blog earlier to, but noticed your Ailment only today. So consider my comment today as a continuous intravenous infusion of comments to sustain you today tommorow or any day. For you need to live looooong to write such interesting posts
With utmost satisfaction, i would like to inform you that this post of yours has been selected as a suiting piece to honor my newly installed wall of fame.
So, I would like you to take out some of your precious time and gimme a small writeup introducing this post in about 40-50 words to mail address:firstname.lastname@example.org
I would also appreciate it if you could nominate some more posts(including yours) which can be pinned up on my wall.
Haha.. thnx mani. this dose means a lot :)
Yup, um pretty twisted inspired by bollywood director duo Abbas Mastan..
Um really happy u liked this post nd i'll try my best 2 cum up with more sch stff.. keep returning for more infusion :)
Hey, Rahul thnx a lot buddy.. i'll get back 2 u soon :)
FANTASTIC!!!! ABsolutely loved it. Infact I dont know which I enjoyed better...the chill that ran down my spine when she thought he was a ghost, or the relief I found when he said his cellphone had been stolen. Very well narrated (the first few paragraphs seemed a little like a rant, but the story picked up pace towards the latter half). Good job!! Congrats on being Saturday Picked. Very well-deserved :-)
Hi Pal.. gr8 2 c u here :)
Thnx so mch 4 d review and inputs. Yeah, the first few paras do drag a bit.. cud hav made thm a bit more interesting.
Thnx for blogrolling.. keep encouraging :)
too good ! Now a days I dont get top read any good story even in the magazines..this one was really good....do u write them regularly? because then I will chk u.
Hi Antarman.. Thanks for dropping by and for leaving sch a sweet comment.
Well, this was just my first attempt at pure fiction but there are other short stories (and extremely short stories-55Fiction sorts) on this blog which r part fact part fiction. Use the Short Stories Tag on the menu bar at the top of the page to read them. I'll recommend 'Curious Case of Corruption' as the one u shud read first of all :)
Luking fwd 2 read ur appreciations/criticisms in their respective comments section!
Nice work...... the End was really different fro mwat any reader would expect it to be...
I loved the line "They wanted to pluck the roses together but ended up plucking the thorns."
I was happy that the story had a happy ending... Keep writng.. !! TC :)
Hey Urvashi, welcome to my blog :)
Thnx 4 appreciating this story.. um happy u liked it.. keep dropping by 2 encourage me :)
I did write a story, "Kaaveri"
That was a superbly narrated and very gripping story !!! You are extremely gifted.. This is the first time I stumbled upon your blog. Liked it :)
Cheers!! Good Luck for the Indiblogger contest.
Hi lostworld (wud have been nice if i hd sum more prsnl name 2 address u :)
Welcome 2 my blog.. thnx 4 all those kind wrds nd appreciation.. um really thrilled.. Hop 2 c u around more oftn.. keep dropping by :)
you surely have a future in fiction writing! go ahead :)
Hi Swats, welcome to the Reflections of an ELian.. Thnx 4 tht sweet comment. Hope to see u around more often :)
It really gave me goosebumps.Very simple but still interesting tale.
Well, they say there is always a twist in the tale and here, there were 2. I was waiting with bated breath to see what happened. It was nice and short. I like!
It really gives me pleasure to see that this story is still being read and appreciated :)
Thnx Shweta and Psychedchick for making my day.. keep reflecting :)
It is amazing to note that this is your first attempt at pure fiction. Great build up there and the classic sting-in-the-tail.
Really good stuff, will be back to for further readings.
Thanks Sujoy.. welcome to this blog and I hope to c u again as u hav promisd here.. Keep reflecting :)
Classic*Regular* Story. :P
Lovely work and much better ending...
Looking for more..:)
Hi Arpit.. .. well thts a vry intrsting description of this post.. keep reflecting :)
Welcome to my blog Tarun.. thnx for the appreciative wrds.. keep returning 4 more :)
this was amazing......you are good with words too..... i have heard or read these stories too.....but the more i read these kind of stories the more i like them....and the more i believe in them....i want my love to be that strong.......
loved the ending thank god this time it wasn't sad.........
thanks for sharing.....\,,/
Hey thnx hitesh nd welcome to this blog :)
Well, u hav put it in js the right perspective.. We all hope 4 sch a love in our lives.. Well my nxt post is going to b anothr love story.. i hop u r around wn i post it :)
Absolutely loved it!
Thanks Shail and thanks for promoting it @ Indivine.. Hope to c u around :)
Superb, Awesome!! Cant describe in words!!
Read and Re-reading was all i did. Too good...cud really feel for the characters!!!
Amazing story...for a moment I thought wow...seriously a ghost story hehehe
You bashed my hopes.
Loved that you ended it on a positive note...atleast for the Girl :) not so much for the dead guy though.
Hi Viyoma.. If um not wrong, u r one of the earliest patron of this blog bt nvr rtrnd aftr sum visits.. so gud 2 c u again..
nd thnx 4 appreciating this post :)
Hi LP.. intriguing name i mst say..
well sum1 hd 2 die 4 the larger cause :p
thnx 4 visiting nd hope 2 c u again :)
i liked the plot, the flow and everything, Just wanted to share an opinion :
Instead of describing their failing relationship...
Hey thnx Ayreej.. but sorry i find ur opinion incomplete or am i missing any point.. in case u rtrn, kindly elaborate :)
This is a very nice story. I have been reading some short stories by O. Henry and the end of this story was like that (a twist in the end). Awesome.
I found this post in IndiVine and now I will surely take a look at your other posts.
Thnx Anik 4 the kind appreciation.. Um luking fwd 2 read ur cmmnts on othr posts too.. keep reflecting :)
Jahapnah Tussi great ho....
hehe.. thnx buddy :)
Wow.... I really thought it was a ghost. :)
Gud one :)
Haha.. i cn only say.. "caught u".. keep visiting :)
that was the best blog post i have ever read. excellent job.
Hey Dhruva.. welcome 2 this blog.. those wrds mean a lot.. hop 2 c u around :)
Rock on Vipul !!
Bloody amazing man ! Bloody amazing !
absolutely amazing creativity Vipul....nice one!!
Thnx Brij and Chunmun.. um happy u two liked it :D
Chanced upon this blog and loved the post.. Not only is the story engrossing with a amazing twist at the end, but the writing lovely
Thnx frnd.. i hop u retrn to read my othr short fictions too :)
Man...Jus Couldn't stop sayin...You are Amazin....felt my heart ramping through out the post!! Keep the good work !! Enjoyed reading!!
@ Hi, Karthik, welcome to this blog :)
thnx for the appreciation.. keep returning to read more heart ramping stuff :p
shit shit u creeped the hell out of me... :D :D i looooovvveeddd the story man...i mean my heart was in my mouth till i read the last line....that the phone was lost...wow vipul hats off...especially if this is d first try on fiction :D ;D
Shit!!This gotta be one of the short fictions i've read!!:) Gr8 one dude. I've written one short fiction all by myself too. Please see it and leave a comment if you liked it.. http://bit.ly/awlEBr Thanks, Naveen
Hey thnx Tweety.. I am sorry if u got a high BP due to this post :p
keep returning nd appreciating like this :)
Hi Naveen.. welcome 2 this blog.. thnx 4 the kind review. will visit ur blog soon :)
Wonderful story, lovely narration. no wonder why it is famous. loved the way the story ended
Hi Longanathan.. welcome to this blog.. thnx 4 dropping by, reading and most importantly encouraging through this comment.. keep reflecting :)
You My friend is an Awfsome Jackass.... and i really mean it!!! you got me crying over the second last stanza whn i wanted a happy ending and you finished with a happy ending whn i prepared myself so hard for the sad ending!!! ..... x-(...... but one thing for sure... u got one more person promoting this post to all his frnds....
@dozent.. thnx :)
@Samik.. in case u reached here frm Indivine, thn buddy u hd already been warned that this post will take u through a ride of emotions.. so stop complaining :p
jokes apart, welcome to this blog and thanx 4 the kind review.. keep reflecting :)
DAMN, u are right cant complain! hehe! ....
Nice. Real nice. A roller-coaster.
A little criticism?
The paragraphs are a li'l jerky with the thought flow - which, by itself, is beautiful.
The description is hurried in places, too detailed in others. See if you can swap the two. :)
PS: Came over from Indivine on IndiBlogger. Pardon the patronizing tone - it's just me. No offense intended. :)
Hey Shrikant.. welcome to my blog.. thanx 4 stopping by and taking out time to do this critical analysis.. Its most welcome :)
As I've written, this is my first fiction.. I'll really appreciate if you can go thru my newer ones and tell me if the style has improved over the time.. I hope u'll like them even more.. keep reflecting :)
In all honesty, I was gonna say "what's huge fuss about this? It's the same old senti ghost story ending with...." BAM! The ending HIT ME! :D
awesome! awesome! AWESOME!!
hii mr blogger...
ur post makesmy day ..er.. nite..lol
.. u deserve evry award for best blog on d net man.. awesome buddy.. ur d best.. hav bookmarked ur blog n put dis post as a link on my facebook profile referring to my friends for the wonderful experience... keep posting... :)
Just 3 words to describe your post - Awesome, Awesome & Fantastic. That blog gave me all the drama that an indian masala movie would - love, drama, suspense, sentiments. I don't know if I would have loved the paranormal ending. But this one was just amazing!!
Sorry friends for sch a late reply...
@Venai.. hehe.. well wn i read this post ovr nd ovr again, evn i think wat crap i hav written.. js wn read tht ending, i finally feel like giving a pat on my back :p
@Hitesh.. Well, ur cmmnt definitely made my days nd nights.. thnx a lot for sharing this post.. mayb this encouragement will help me in cuming out of the block um facing these days :)
@Giridhar.. Thnx a lot for the kind words.. Just wish this story gts made into a tele-serial.. will b fun watching the masala :D
Once again thanx a lot to all three of you.. and yeah just forgot, welcome to this blog.. keep reflecting :)
I loved the post. The paranormal part reminded me of the movie Windstruck - loved ones coming back to fulfill the promises. But then, the twist made it all different :D
Hey thnx Vee.. Well, somehow I knew evn if I conclude the story at that paranormal ending, ppl wud hav liked it as v all wish 4 sch miracles bt thn without d twist it wud hav been js anothr story without my signature and conviction.. thnx 4 appreciating it.. keep visiting :)
Just one word: Awesomeness!
Coz as you have written, more words will only help to ruin it.
Lol .... this is an amazing piece of writing... gr88!!!!
@Vadakkus and Ritz.. Hello frnds, welcome to this blog.
Thnx for dropping by and leaving ur reflections about this post. nd ofcourse thnx for appreciating it :)
Kudos!!Awesome write up!
@Sanoof.. Thnx frnd. Keep visiting :)
very nice write up that :) You must be turning into a good writer I think :) Keep up the good work :)
and may I request you to read my article on similar topic, please visit my write up and advise me a few things to improve my writing skill. Here is the link to my article- http://shantihp.blogspot.com/2010/03/is-it-love.html
Thnx a lot :)
That was good and I promoted your post in the Indivine too..
Good work :))
Holy Cow! Awesome ending & meaningful indeed...some way of getting the message across...i superlikes:)
Awesome.. completely loved it.. Had you left it at the paranormal bit it would have been just so normal.. this was absolutely lovely.. besides I'm a sucker for happy endings.. thanks :-)
Great work Vipul, wish to read more of your works...
Hey Friends, sorry for a late reply!!!
@Shantinath.. Well, you can tell for yourself if I have turned into a good writer or not.. Just read my other fictions :)
@Anubhuti.. Thanks a lot dear.. keep visiting :)
@Chanakya.. Thnx bro.. um surprised u didnt read it earlier!!
@Obsessivemom.. Thnkyou so much.. completely luvd ur comment too ;)
Who doesnt like happy endings.. keep reflecting :)
@Sambarman.. Thnx buddy.. my latest work coming out tommorrow itself :)
the day didn't go well,some words untold,,some promises yet to be kept ..while some thoughts lingering on my mind, responsibilities buzzing my shoulder down still ur blog so late at afternoon summarizes my day at a good end :) thank u ..loved ur post...
wow!! this was really nice.. i really liked the double-twist in d story..keep rocking!
Awesome!!I could not take my eyes off the story from the beginning till the end.Needless to mention,You are amazing..Keep writing.. After 3 yrs of wedlock, I have also attempted a blog about life before and after marriage. This is my first post on Indi. Have a look when time permits - http://zradar.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/the-best-thing-about-marriage-2/
@Satya.. aaah.. nice prose.. Thnx nd keep reflecting :D
@Anoop.. Thnx a lot buddy for dropping by and leaving ur footprint :)
@Zradar.. Welcome to this blog.. Will surely drop by some time 2 read ur actual xperience unlike these cooked up experiences of mine :)
Your story here reminded me of Jhumpa Lahiri's story called 'A temporary matter' in some wierd way..may be she has an edge in the manner of presentation and language but your story was like WOW..& any piece of fiction survives not only on language but also on story...dreamy in bits, suspense & drama too..wonderful read :)
That's a vry special comment Maitreyee :)
Ofcourse, i cn b no match to Jhumpa bt cmparing my wrk to her's feels gr8.. nd yeah, do read my recent fictions.. mayb u'll find the language nd presentation bit maturer.. keep reflecting :)
The 'Of course I can be no match to Jhumpa' was really unnecessary Vipul..any good work is a matter of many good coincidences come together. She was also you and I before things happened..and there are many you and I's who will become her or more too... Not everything a famous writer writes is always great, likewise not everything an average write writes is average. It is the work that matters not the person. Take care.
Well said thr.. I agree.. Looking fwd 2 c more of u around here :)
Awesome ... loved the twist at the end... must have wracked your brains for that super smooth ending
Haha,.. what a petite!
Almost till end I was wondering how this post is rising so quickly, I mean who hasn't seen those movies..
but yeah, what a sexy finish :)
good one dude
P.S.: another follower
@Dream Peddler.. Well infact, I always start my stories after thinking of the climax. So actually, I had to wrack my brains to create the whole story which befitted this pre-planned ending :)
Thanks a lot for this word of praise..
@Aakash.. Well buddy, its been many months since I posted this story but all the praise I keep getting till date fills me with a new zeal.. thanks a lot :D
P.S. I hope I come up with a new story soon enough. Its been ages since I wrote one. Till then do read my other works of fiction!
Love,they say,transcends all boundaries. Here it trascended the barrier of time and destiny. The wiser folks call it a 'paranormal' activity.
'Intellect is important in this world, but intution is more important',that is why perhaps you always know when it is for you... And then is when, intution becomes more intelligent than the intellect.
thank god he was alive! lovely post, cnt believe it was you first attempt at fiction
mmmmmmm... Dear 4 those who care, I believe u missed the final lines of this story.. thr was no para-normal activity as sch.. if u happen to hop back, do read the ending again :)
Hi Confused Yuppie, thnx for that 'unbelieveing' comment ;)
Do read the other stories too..
Wonderful work sir !! Loved it. Being a blogger myself , I would have been proud writing something like this
wonderful story sir..u have just rocked in your 1st attempt. being a blogger even i like to write about fiction and you have just made me to imagine perfectly. kudos!!!m hihghly influenced by it
hey its a sincere request since i too have started writing an episodic story,can you pl read it and give me any suggestions?
@Karthik.. thnx a lot for those kind words.. i am sure as a blogger, u r carving out ur own space.. inspiration to write sumthing special may strike anytime.. all the best :)
@Anirud.. Welcome to this blog.. Its a pleasure to have fellow bloggers like you visiting and appreciating my work.. I'll be soon visiting your blog to share my two cents on your story.. till then keep reflecting :)
Great work bro. Loved the feel of the story :)
I write blogs myself. Could you help me out with a review ?
welcome to thie blog Shivam.. thnx for appreciating.. will surely visit u soon :)
Nice story. Well narrated. Visit my blog for more fiction. :)
You have, as I can see, enough comments telling you how awesome-ly great the story is=) At the great risk of being boring, I'll join the herd and say just one word - WOW.
The story literally had my hair standing on end, no exaggeration. The build up and the climax are simply 'maaindblooying'. No wonder it's been on top for so long, it deserves every bit.
*dramatically* the blogworld needs more like you.
If I may, the dialogues could be a little more tight and I've always been a fan of writing fiction in the first person when the story is a private one- puts the reader right in the character's shoes.
I'm following this=)
Do drop by mine and give pore ole me some suggestions to pick up my game as well=)
Brilliant ending. It was really tending to be bit supernatural, but just the kind of feel-good ending, the story deserved.
twas a nervous ending with an element of thrill to it
@Blogman.. thnx frnd.. visit this blog again 4 evn more fiction ;)
@Priyanka.. Well, thnx for the suggestions and I agree this is not the best of my writing when it comes to the writing style. Remember, this was just the frst attempt. I know that now u have read some other stories too and u might have found them better from structural point of view. Keep reflecting :)
@Bharath.. Good to find so many readers trapped by the twist in the end :p
@Shinymist.. Thnx a lot frnd.. Do read my other stories too :)
Aww. Great attempt for a first-time fiction writer :) Keep writing!
awesome post..hear my gadget speak
i love the way it ends.. puts a smile on your face and a tear in your eyes at the same time... :)
This is a mix of fiction+message+psychology+creativityand its also picturesque.All the best dude!Keep more coming..
i was almost into tears when the last bit made me smile :) ... Beautiful ...
Thnx onthedayofcolours, Cooperjal and Chitz.. Keep reflecting :)
Prachiee and Menachery, that was the very idea behind writing this story. Reading such comments is a delight because to know that u cud do wat u set out to do as a writer feels great :)
Welcome to this blog and I hope you read my other posts too..
Thnx RKV for all those adjectives. means a lot.. i'll keep thm cuming as long as u keep on retrning to read them :)
I am new to indiblogger hence the delay in reading the post and the comment. This is a brilliant story, I loved it, especially the two turns which followed very quickly after one another.
Brilliant, hail the future Tarentino
@Bizwiz.. hey welcome to the blogosphere.. nd nice of u 2 drop by.. bt tht last comparison is bit far-fetched :p
thnx so mch 4 appreciating.. keep reflecting :)
@Ashwini.. thnq so mch 4 liking xactly wat i wantd d readers 2 like.. the story was js a medium to convey tht msg.. i hop 2 c ur imprints on othr stories too :)
Very nice spell binding narrative.. Keep writing.. :)
Whoa! Whenever I read you, I don't know which turn and what twist would throw me off guard. What a tale! Bravo!
@Vadan.. welcome to the blog.. thnx a lot 4 the kind words :)
@Ashes.. such appreciation and encouragement means a lot :) thnx so mch.. keep reflecting :)
This is BRILLIANT! you engaged me with the melancholy and just when i thought it was a sad ending, i burst out laughing and clapping my hands!!
Hi Jayanth.. Welcome to this blog.. well, u hav summed up the motive behind writing this story succinctly with ur comment :D
thnx a lot for appreciating!!!
@vipul ji:- this is freaking awesome....!
what an unbelievable piece of work, what and ending....!
REally a big fan of your writing now....
Awesome Vipul...a nice fiction. Before reading the climax, I thought even you wrote a sad ending story. But the climax brought back the smile...Its always the climax that completes the beauty of any write up and you have done that justice so well... :)
Awesome climax,life is all about being with your loved ones.
Very nice story with a surprising climax :)
Wow!! That was totally unexpected! :O
Dear Anjaani, Rajendra, Farah, Jam and Happy-G0-Lucky, thanks a lot for visiting and appreciating my maiden work of fiction :)
Hey Sulaiman, i m surprised u read this story so late.. bt gud to know u did finally and liked it :)
Hi Remya.. climax indeed remains the most important component of any story.. thnx so mch for appreciating this climax :)
What a beautiful story... excellent..
Awesome... Seems to be a heard story but my eyes were glued to the screen. The way you carried the suspense was really good. :)
Oh My Sweet Lord! This is the bestest story on fiction I ever read!!! I felt the goosebumps run all over my body when I reached the end! Amazing just amazing! You rock!!! :D
You are a master story teller. I was rivetted from the word go.
Amazing climax at the end! Awesome twist! Keep writing fiction! You seem to have a knack to it even if this is you first!
While almost at the end I was thinking wow...what a story...and almost dialled my hubby's number to speak to him when I read the last line and burst out laughing...this was too good :)
The twist at the end was unexpected but appreciated. I was about to say "oh, gosh, not another one of those stories, like the stories you get in email forwards" but then you surprised me. Loved it. <3 Especially some of the lines like "They wanted to pluck the roses together but ended up plucking the thorns." :)
This post deserves to be on top.
Beautiful take on relationships and the twist was amazing :D
Yes you should give yourself a second chance.. Beautiful story. Kudos! :)
I was already expecting a twist, being a short story writer myself. But you have definitely played the masterstroke. There are all the perfect ingredients for a crisp & inspiring story. Thanks for writing & sharing. Godspeed.
A nice and well written story.
Really glad I read this piece of fiction. :) I just came across your blog through Indivine & no doubt that it was rated so high :) The idea of love in the story reflects what I think of it(it's rare now a days). Beautifully written, had every essence of love & commitment. Thanks!
Wow!! what an ending!!! Really didnt expected such a twist!! And the way you described each and every thing created the feel of watching a short movie itself. .
Amazing work!!!! Cheers
Wonderful post. I got goose-bumps.
I got involved completely, loved every single word you wrote.
Simply Superb :-)
just loved it
Nicely Woven story :)
All through the story i kept on thinking it is just another cliche' until i read the stolen cellphone text. Kudos to u for bringing such a wonderful story to all of us. Wite tons...
I'm er choosy when it comes to short stories..Can't read if it doesn't take me smoothly till the end in a smooth flow..I loved reading this and I told many people this story..I'm sure that you'll write many more and you're very talented in this art. Congrats. Perfect composition!
wonderful story and great imagination .
We also welcome you to participate in this contest
great narration and a perfect ending .... The Last Number Dialled is just an amazing voyage through emotions :)
Loved the twist ! exceptional post. :) u have a new fan..
@krish, make that two
i must now go punch a tree to try and get back my manliness
Wowie...loved it..a follower now :)
Just loved it!! Really nice story you got here!
hello vipul sir,
what a story u have written.it's an epic story.i feeling a little sleepy.but the curiosity that this story had ignited stopped me to sleep.thumbs up for you.
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