A congested train; a rickety bus; an overloaded boat; a bullock-cart; on foot through jungles. Finally, he was there, his home in the cradle of Himalayas away from the noise and the smoke of the city and the sahibs. She was waiting for him impatiently by the fence. He was ready for a new life.
This 55-Fiction is inspired by a recent post by Shilpa on the kaam wali bais (maid servants). It is based on lives of numerous Garhwalis (from Uttarakhand-Nepal/Tibet border) who stay and work in Chandigarh away from their homes and the loved ones. This long journey back home is as described (with some modifications) by my home maid who lives with her family in our servants' quarter. And its true, they have to cross a jungle by foot to reach their village.
P.S. On an important query raised by a fellow blogger, I have explained in the comments section, how this story satisfies all the criteria of a 55-Fiction as mentioned in the Wikipedia article. Do not miss the explanation.
This post is by no means inspired by the movie Swades.
Waiting for him in the Himalaya...oh wow...wat kinda girl is she...:O
now I am inspired on writing fiction 55...will do it next week.
Let me begin with an admission that am not a great fan of short stories but still did I miss out something in this 55 words ? The guideline that the wiki link mentioned about 55-fiction seems out of tune here.
I mean it listed a criteria for 55-fiction as :
1.Fifty-five words or less (A non-negotiable rule)
3.One or more characters,
4.Some conflict, and
5.A resolution. (Not limited to moral of the story).
I hope you would take this as a constructive criticism as u mentioned in the scum and cream post as blogging as a community for pointing out the odd ends. May be am right , in that case , you can correct me :)
Mr.R was harsh, but the truth is there is always the flexibility and scope for a change!
Our fellow blogger Anjan invented the 55 Non-fiction and u can label this one in that category!
Good one however!
The picture explained everything!
@sid.. she could be his old widow mother dude :p
nd yeah do try one out!
@pawan.. thnx 4 d support buddy! well, now i modified the picture 2 make it less self-explanatory ;)
@Mr.R.. Any kind of criticisms r welcum buddy..
anyway i blive u misd this line which just follows the description on Wikipedia which u reproduced here..
Many new versions of the 55 Fiction have started to modify on the rules by either ignoring the rule to include conflict, or basing it on a true incident and dramatising it.
Anyway, evn thn let me c how mch off d mark this 55 Fiction of mine is frm the original criteria.
1.Fifty-five words or less (A non-negotiable rule) - Swades has exactly 55 words
2.A setting - A man's journey back home
3.One or more characters - the man (evn a woman has been mentioned who could be his wife, girl friend, sister, aunt or mother nd thn thr r also d sahibs mentiond)
4.Some conflict - (he is moving back from the city to his village to start a new life - it has been mentioned he has moved away frm the noise nd smoke of sahibs; thr cn b sum kind of conflict he had with his masters due to which he decidd 2 move back - indeed thts wat I wantd 2 portray, some rich sahibs smoking cigars all d time shouting at their servants)
moreovr its a conflict tht is playing in his mind nd heart tht cmpld him 2 move away frm city life back to his simple village life..
5.A resolution. (Not limited to moral of the story) - the conflict indeed resolvd as he movd back.. the choice he made is the resolution.
To be frank, I did not make a concious effort 2 follow d rules bt yup i hope i cleared all ur doubts:)
keep reflecting.. all the comments r precious.
I wish I am the man you portrayed in your story.
nice story pal.
Here is my instant 55 fiction.
"This is Saturday, 9 in the morning. Will be a busy day for me. Should start work immediately. I looked at my blog roll. Sipul has updated his blog. Oh God. His posts will be long. Will make me think and take more time. I saw his post now. Thank God it is a 55-fiction."
Ah.. Swades word is so frequently used by us in office.. The reason being that sometimes even you end up travelling by different modes of transport from house to office.. courtesy - rickshawala (who sometimes charge exhorbitantly high for few kms!!) Just a few days back I wrote about my swades experience..http://vineetazdiary.blogspot.com/2009/08/missed-my-car-unn-not-really.html
btw.. I sometimes envy people who stay away from the gigantically crowded cities in India in the lap of nature.. and making the most use of it :)
I dream of a life far far away from the hustle and bustle of the big city with my loved one!!!!
"I sometimes envy people who stay away from the gigantically crowded cities in India in the lap of nature."
One would like to be in smaller cities to be free from larger problems...but then one will miss the oppurtunities of life.Is there a compromise.
@Bharathi.. sipul!!! thnk god u didn't go for nipul.. lol
nd wow wat a 55 Fiction.. now post it on ur blog :p
@Vineeta.. Hi welcum 2 the blog.. i mean u hv been here 4 long bt nvr got an opportunity 2 welcum u :)
yeah definitely, one wud wish 2 live away frm the hustle of the city bt as Chowlaji says above but then one will miss the oppurtunities of life.Is there a compromise.
I'll be answering him below.
nd yeah will b visiting ur blog 2 read tht post soon.. it sounds intrsting:)
@IP.. yup.. rite.. um rmindd of this poem i wrote on my 50th post..
Far away from this thickening smoke,
There was a place that used to be.
Canopy of trees, a gleaming river,
As far as you could see.
Do visit it..
@Chowlaji.. U r rite.. definitely thr is a compromise.. its due 2 d a compultion tht they hav 2 move out as thr r alwez limitd resources in sch villages nd as population rises, it bcums diffict 2 stay thr.. moreovr as sum1 perches out nd cums back with sum fancy commodities frm city, it bcums attraction 4 othrs nd they too decide 2 move out..
Bt one thing, i'll like 2 share. My maid's family is not financially supporting their families back home. its a big task for thm 2 make their own ends meet, so thrs no question of sending back money 2 village. however, wn evr they r in financial crisis, they r supportd by my maid's mother who lives in d village. So isn't tht odd. Are the cities really having opportunities or is it jus a mirage.
ofcourse evry1 cant decide 2 move back.. bt d character in this story, sumhow decidd his place is in his village where he will b happier 2 b his own master thn in the polluted city of abusive sahibs.
LOL. Yeah I missed that name.
um relieved :p
A very nice one... and I am sure Mr. R is Happy with your answers because a 55-Fiction may follow all the rules if it has to be take part in the contest organised by the inventors of 55-Fiction for their book but some liberties can be taken I guess and all the 55-ers I have read till date do follow the norm....
Hey thnx dhiman:)
nd yeah one thing i hv 2 cnfrm.. wn u said "all the 55-ers I have read till date do follow the norm", did u mean all follow those 5 rules or what?
A cool 55!! :)
And a super cool, point by point detailed explanation of all the queries Mr. R had!!
Reading your response was surely a 'Aha! experience!! :D
man... y I m not (never) able to write this 55 fiction thngy ??? :(
lol.. thnx shilpa nd also thnx 4 d idea u gav me for this post:)
@sugandha.. why dont u try writing a 55 Non-Fiction on 'y i m not(never) able 2 write a 55 Fiction' :p
@ Vipul : graet idea ... huh :P
:( :( :(
and I wonder wat Mr. R will say to my post :P hahahaha lolss:P
Yeah I meant even if the writer was not conscious I could 'fit' the piece into the scheme of all the rules.... its just the perspective...
@suga.. hmmm.. nvr mind u rite one, i'll find a way 2 fit it in2 d rules.. i'v bcm pro in tht .. lol
@dhiman.. i gt it buddy!
Do you know? with this, I became the No one commentator for your blog. Any party you wish to give? :-)
hey evn um making strides on ur blog.. i hop 2 surpass shankar sooner or later.. once i do tht, thn v cn decide on a (mutual) grand party.. lol
Nd yeah beware of pawan. he cn surpass u again any time. now the challenge is to retain ur position ;)
@ Vipul : hehe ... thanks :)
@ Vipul: Agreed. will wait to have a grand party. (And use this time to find some reasons to get a few pleasant girl bloggers too to the party. and this is between us. OK)
And yeah. If I post a couple like 'lessons from dead body' you would soon surpass Shankar.
Shankar will never miss to comment on my post. he is such a nice blog buddy. I thank him for encouraging me.
Hmmm... nice one!
You too are becoming a pro at 55 fiction! Keep them coming!
yeah u'll hav 2 post such topics tht make me disagree with u 2 help me increase my comments count nd make our party (with pleasant girls) possible asap ;)
@Roshmi.. hey thnx.. 55 Fiction is d bloggers swine flu which is hitting evry1 of us, it seems sooner or later;)
Hi Vipul !
Inspired by you , i have made a first attempt on 55 fiction. Would love your feedback :)
i wanna join the BLOG-A-TON.
How to proceed????
Inform me plz.
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