5 Jun 2009

To Button or To Unbutton


Dear Reader
As I returned home after languishing in the June heat and unbuttoned my pair of jeans to relax on the bed, the need to tell a BIG truth to the world ascended over my conscience. I had kept quiet for quite some time but all of a sudden my inner voice which had been murmuring until now, shouted out loud at me. It said in clear terms-
“Hey, Vipul! Listen to me carefully. You have to fight for your kindred, for the men and women like you who have been betrayed by a private company; the company which has shamelessly borrowed the innovation of millions like you and packaged it into a new product giving no due credit to you and your kindred.”
I could not take it anymore. I felt so helpless. I felt so betrayed. I felt so exploited. So finally I thought of blogging it, in a faint hope that people who happen to read it will join our fight for the sake of humanity and spread the word around.
They say the latest fashion is to unbutton your jeans; and to make things easier they have just removed the button all together. To promote this, so called new innovation of theirs, they have roped in a Bollywood superstar who shamelessly asked his wife to unbutton him in public during a fashion show. The controversy has further added to the company’s coffers and while they reap money, we are left with nothing, having lost our classic innovation to crass consumerism.
You must be wondering who we are! Well, we are the abdominous, blubbery, corpulent, embonpoint, endomorphic, gargantuan, paunchy, porcine, rotund and zaftig part of the human race and for those with a limited vocabulary; we are chubby, hefty, plump or simply the fat ones.
From generations we have been unbuttoning our jeans to fit into them. If our waist is 40, we prefer wearing the size 38 to keep our worries regarding obesity at bay. Somehow, we pull the pair of jeans up our legs but the real struggle starts when we have to button them. Even if we succeed in doing so; though while standing or walking it does not present such a big problem and we manage to tread along; when it comes to taking a chair, we have to yield. Sitting with a buttoned pair of jeans is not easy, you see. So we simply unbutton them.
And now those corporate big-wigs say all this is their innovation. I resent. We fat people are loathed at and so often we are called unfashionable. See the irony. Today the same people have converted our necessity into their fashion. This is a big betrayal and we need to raise our voice against it.
We don’t have superstars to support our humble cause (though we may try roping in that grand family of Bollywood whose members mysteriously transform into one of us upon their retirement). However if you, the non-fat brethren of ours also join us for the sake of truth and compassion, together we can fight this gross injustice!
And before some other exploitative entrepreneur decides to come out with an unzipped ‘version’ of his pair of jeans, we must confess that when at times the going gets even tougher, we simply unzip!

Yours truly
Vipul Grover

This post is merely meant for humour and in no way intends to question the practices of any private company or malign any person or family in particular.

Images Courtesy
1. http://www.elfwood.com (original)
2. http://www.istockphoto.com (edited)


kim said...

very much original post... and wen ur going through training period these private company sucks each drop of blood in ur body... :(

P.S. I have been through all this.... :(

mentalie said...

hello! i just wandered into your blog and i couldn't agree with you more :D it's totally anticlimactic to watch akshay's jeans come undone isn't it...i mean, what's so newsy about that?
i'd vote for dev d's jeans any day. i'm still wondering what held those up...super glue or sheer will power!

Vipul Grover said...

lol.. thts why um aspiring 2 join d civil services, i mean public sector.

thnx 4 dropping by:) sadly 2day thrs no criteria 4 sumthing 2 b newsy. nd yeah best of luck with ur dev d mystery;)

alx said...

hey hilarious n so so innovative a post....goes without mention dat it made 4 a good read

Vipul Grover said...

Hey thnx alex! However, its funny but true. the sad confessions of an overweight;)

pawan said...

Good one!
Unzip heh!
Then they should rope some Paresh Rawal for it ;)

Enjoyed it!

Vipul Grover said...

hey, pawan i blive u'v not seen paresh rawal off late.. he has gone size zero, buddy.. so no more one of us ;)